Rocky after retirement and other jokes

JibJab.com is one of wonderful places on the Internet for video parodies. It also has a place where people exchange jokes, called JokeBox.

The video below is a parody of Rocky, both sick and a little sweet. Below that is some turning 50 (and older) jokes.

This one comes from “The Summary of Life” on the Jokebox at JibJab.com:

  • Great Truths That Little Children Have Learned: No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptise cats.
  • Great Truths That Adults Have Learned: Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.
  • Great Truths About Growing Old: Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
There also is a funny riff on the stages of life compared to Santa Claus and definitions of success based on age.

Gabriel Byrne, new boomer sex symbol?

Score one for us 50-somethings. Apparently the character of Dr. Paul Weston of HBO’s In Treatment is a hottie. As played by 56-year-old actor Gabriel Byrne (shown in HBO photo from series), the psychotherapist is, in the words of one woman in today’s NY Times article “a hunk, totally. He’s hot” and, the article says, “His sympathetic response to patients ‘makes him even hotter.’ “

The show is on HBO five nights a week, with four nights of Weston doing a session with a patient (in one case, a couple), and one night of his own session with a colleague. I like the show — interesting format, excellent acting — but totally missed Byrne-the-boomer-sex-symbol angle, even though the Times says men are into him as well.

I will say I expected more women to be upset at Dr. Weston’s interest in a younger patient”Laura, a sullen 30-year-old anesthesiologist who chases Paul with a fervor bordering on the predatory,” as the article says. (Apparently, some of the women who are hot for Dr. Paul identify with Laura, the article says. Something to do with finding it attractive when men listen and care. Of course, as the headline says, “He Listens. He Cares. He Isn’t Real.”)

Peace, Smurfs and other thoughts on turning 50

Something else turning 50 this year? The peace symbol, first used, according to an On the Media segment, on Feb. 21, 1958 at a British anti-nuclear march. (Photo from Flickr user Dragonoak, used under Creative Commons license.)… AARP came after me again today. Sigh…Guess what else is 50 years old? The Smurfs. NPR asks, “So are (Smurfs) having a mid-life crisis? Au contraire! They are planning a comeback. The original series soon will be out on DVD and a 3-D movie is expected next year.” Wonder if AARP will sign up Papa Smurf?…

Old Fart Heart? Oh, my shrinking heart…

Another scary thing about turning 50 years old — now I find out my heart will inevitably and, as the article says, inexplicably strink — something researchers are calling the “age 50 effect.”

Note to researchers: You need to be more creative with your names. How about “The Reverse Grinch Effect” — your heart strinks three sizes instead of growing.

Or maybe “Old Fart Heart.” Now that’s catchy.

My year of turning 100?

I am still getting used to my year of turning 50 years old. Today, an ad on the back of the New York Times Week in Review says “Hallmark sold 85,000 ‘Happy 100th Birthday!’ cards last year.” (It’s an add for retirement planning.) Of course, estimates are there are about 40,000 to 50,000 centenarians in the United States. I couldn’t find a stat on how many turned 100 last year. Still, it’s a daunting idea — imaging living to 100. I’d have to live to 2057. Of course, as I’ve mentioned in a previous post, I’m only living until I’m 89. Of course, I’m not sure I have enough cash to make it to 69, much less 89 or 100!

Fortune cookies for turning 50?

My fortune cookie last night said, “Next time, order the shrimp.” Funny but it was true. I wonder if there is something for a turning 50 roast or toast in fortune cookies like this. I found some funny ones here, including “Your plants hate you,” which is also true for me, and “Some fortune cookies contain no fortunes,” which, cosmically, also is true.

Here’s another I like, and might be good for turning 50 years old: “What have you done with your life?”

(PS: Yes, I’ve heard the joke about adding “in bed” to end of fortunes, but that joke’s even older than I am…)

OK, exercise maybe, but I’m not shaving my head

I decided that in my year of turning 50, well, 51…I’d exercise more. So did actor-comedian Steve Harvey, who wants men to know, “At 50, you are still fly.” (OK, I was NEVER fly.) So, to “prove it, he shaved his head and began exercising.” OK…exercise yes, but I figure after keeping my hair until 50 years old, I’m not giving it up. The interview is in Jet magazine, and there is an audio interview on its home page.

My year of turning 50? I think not!

I came across a post recently on the wonderfully named blog PunditMom, titled “My Year of Turning 50 — Part 1.” I feel a certain pride in the name of this blog, so at first I was a little ticked seeing this post. I mean, hey, I was there first! But then, now that I am older, I am trying to be wiser. (Amazingly, wisdom didn’t instantly come when I turned 50…)

Seriously, it’s a fun post and I hope PunditMom keeps up the insights on turning 50. As the blog’s subhead says, “Having an opinion never goes out of style.” Plus, the description of looking “freakishly young” — a tag from one of her husband’s friends — is the best way I’ve heard someone say, “you don’t look your age.” With lines like that, PunditMom will be at it until she is PunditGrandMom…