My Decade of Turning 50

I’m probably the last guy to see this, but it is both fun and scary — it’s the AARP rap. Unlike other stuff on YouTube, this isn’t a parody, unless you consider it self-parody, since it appears made by AARP. For whom? I wouldn’t want to guess with lines like “One thing you have to [...]

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I like life lists. I’ve made them here and there, mostly in my head. Apparently (surprise!) I am not alone as an-obsessed-with-how-much-time-I-have-left baby boomer turning 50. The New York Times this weekend wrote about such lists of things to do before you die in an article with the funny headline (and story structure) called “Ten [...]

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Here’s a toast or roast joke about someone turning 50 years old. (Yes, it’s a real groaner but what toast/roast is complete without one or two of those.) Insert the name of your favorite birthday boy or girl: “I was talking to John the other day and he said he was changing his last name [...]

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Under 90 days until my birthday. Happy Happy Joy Joy…tonight’s the first night I came up No. 1 in Google search for “turning 50 jokes,” but you know Google, its love for me might quickly fade…This isn’t a turning 50 joke, but I love it (maybe because I know some of these people, and it [...]

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Down the right side of my blog, I have an RSS feed of Google News stories on boomers. One today was a column in the Chicago Tribune by Mary Schmich called, “Basic premise for a column Boomerangs.” It opens: If I hear the term “Boomer” one more time, I’m going to go kaboom. That was [...]

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I’ve seen a few versions of a list on how you know you are turning 50, but maybe because I’ve had a few unexpected medical copayments and deductibles lately, I’m thinking this item is the truest (and perhaps the one for those who are glass-half-full people): When you are over 50 years old, your investment [...]

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I’m not turning 50 years old. I’m turning 10 Celsius. (Stolen from someone who says he stole it from George Carlin.) Of course, I’m just over 9 in dog years, but if I WERE a dog, I’d be 213 years old. As I write this, I’m 18,515 days, 23 hours, and 2 second old. I’ve [...]

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Every so often I get hit with the cold slap of my age in unexpected moments — another Scary Thing About Turning 50. Today at work, as we discussed the teacher-turned-astronaut who will be on next month’s shuttle flight, someone asked where we all were when we heard about the Challenger explosion that killed teacher [...]

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Been a while since we had any turning 50 jokes. Here’s an adaptation of an old one on driving that could be used at a roast: “I don’t want to say that John’s driving has gotten worse as he’s approaching 50, but the other day his wife called him on his way to work and [...]

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Here’s an old one for turning 50 joke: The five best years of my life were when I was 39. (Or you could say it about someone, as in “Bob said the five best years, etc.) Anyway, I’m hoping my five best years are still ahead of me.

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