Things you can’t say after turning 50

With fewer than 10 days until I turn 50 years old, I started to think of top 10 lists. Not sure why this one popped into my head in the moments between sleep and waking, but there are words/phrases that I probably should stop saying, in deference to my age. Not sure I have 10, but here are some:

  • “Dude!” — Always said with an exclamation point in my voice. Not sure it ever worked for me.
  • “Last call? I’ll take a 6-pack to go.” — That worked in my 20s at the Dublin Pub in Morristown, N.J. I shutter to think about it now.
  • “When were you born?” — It’s time to stop asking that question, since the calculus always involves something like, “Wow, my daughter is your age…” (The related question I will stop saying is, “How old are your parents?”)
  • “Why when I was your age…” — The eye-rolling this engenders is too painful to witness.
  • “Did I mention I was born in Manhattan?” — Those who know me will understand.
  • “I’m a size 36 in the waist.” — Related statement I’ll start avoiding is “I’m 6-foot-1.” Somewhere, I think I’ve lost an inch.)
  • “Me? Well, I’m in my 40s…” — Yeah, that one is out next week.