10 things to do while blogging about turning 50

I like life lists. I’ve made them here and there, mostly in my head. Apparently (surprise!) I am not alone as an-obsessed-with-how-much-time-I-have-left baby boomer turning 50. The New York Times this weekend wrote about such lists of things to do before you die in an article with the funny headline (and story structure) called “Ten things to do before this article is finished.” (Apparently a Morgan Freeman/Jack Nicholson movie in December called The Bucket List, about two men with cancer who take off on a road trip before they kick the bucket, will ramp up talk about life lists this year.)

As for my life list…I’ll share it sometime…but for now be sure to read the comments section on NYT article for what others have on their lists. (My favorite of the comments is the person who quoted W.C. Fields from My Little Chickadee — “Yes, I’d like to see Paris before I die…Philadelphia will do.” The line is uttered, of course, as the Fields is about to be hanged, which might say more about the diminishing expectations of death than anything from Shakespeare.)

Since a prime topic of this blog is turning joke humor, this life list business could be turned into a funny bit during a roast or toast for someone turning 50. You could talk about the noble things someone has on the list — to build a house for Habitat for Humanity, to earn a doctorate, to visit a far-off land, to climb Half Dome (wait, that’s on my list, and it’s not very noble)…then you could talk about other things — be sure to throw in some groaners — that your boomer pal wants to do or learn. Here would be mine — which is funnier if you know me:

Top 10 things on John’s Life List:

  1. Go back to high school and finally get a big role in West Side Story, this time as Doc, the elderly shopkeeper instead of one of the Jets.
  2. Finish his master’s in gerontology, applying his advancing age as life experience for the final 6 credits.
  3. Hike the Appalachian Trail…well, at least visit more of the places where the trail crosses major roads.
  4. Visit more counties, and not just the ones at Epcot.
  5. Break 100 — and not just for the first nine holes.
  6. Stay married this time.
  7. Stop lusting after every new thing Apple puts out.
  8. Finally see all the Spongebobs. (Wait, I’ve done that already!)
  9. Stop reminding people that he grew up in New York City.
  10. Stop making lists.

Could work as a routine. I’ll think on it some more.